power lies

power lies.jpeg

yesterday i caught myself being very angry
calling my ex a coward
for killing himself slowly with alcohol
as if my brother's act was brave
as if heroic even
i agree it's cowardly
what addiction does
avoiding the world the lessons
and i know he's doing his best
my ex
like Danny did
like we all do
my anger is my powerlessness
the illusion of powerlessness
also the illusion of power
i couldn't inspire my ex
to want to live
i couldn't inspire Danny
to want to live
i failed
anger towards myself
the part of myself that believes i failed
very very very angry
i wish i could cradle that part of me
i wish i could inspire that part of me
maybe that's where the power lies
maybe i couldn't save them
maybe i can save me

Lisa Rachel Snyder