Before and After

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I'd struggled with food since age 11. Most of those years I was able to hide the fact that I had an eating disorder. The binges and purges evened out so I could maintain a certain look, but I was always struggling internally, always thinking about food, always defining my self worth by a number on a scale. 

When the photo on the left was taken, I had just come off of a crazy diet taking a hormone and eating practically nothing. I lost a lot of weight very quickly, but as soon as I got off the diet, I literally couldn't stop eating. The binges got so bad I gained all the weight I'd lost and more, about 30 pounds in less than a month. I was also having paralyzing dizzy spells daily, and my doctor couldn't explain why. 

That was when I finally got *fed up* enough to try something new: I decided to stop figuring it out with my mind through diets. I decided to trust my body. There was an adjustment period, a time of relearning how to listen in, but since then, I haven't looked back.

I love food now, and I love my body now, not because of a number on a scale, but because I love the way it feels and moves. What it took was humility. What it took was trust. We have all the wisdom we need inside, if we only have the courage to listen.